Reactions to an Article on Settling

This post is a reaction to the following article:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200802u/gottlieb-interview

This was my response, a few days after I first read the article:

It's funny... it depends on how I interpret the article. When I first read it, I was... not offended... but put off by it. Of course I don't want to settle. I want to wait for love, and want to find someone who stimulates me, in a whole lot of ways. ; )

However, today I listened to a girl describing her romantic conundrum: she loves her boyfriend, but doesn't feel like he's what she wants; she has a great time with him, but he doesn't share her passion for local/organic food (although he supports it). And I found myself thinking, "Ah. Settle for less than your ideal. Her ideal isn't a real person, but this person she loves is." And I wondered if, in that sense, the idea of settling isn't a less onerous idea than I'd first thought.

So my current thought is that in a way, you must not settle- you must marry for love. But (funny how I'm echoing what I tell dance students) you must interact with the reality of your partner, not the ideal of what you thought you wanted. So in some sense, you have to settle, because there's not a "Mr. Right"- he's not coming in with red roses, a white horse, his shit together, and no baggage. He's coming from the same place you are: life.


-m.