American Football

Well, it's over. The Cowboys are out. Which means those blue Christmas lights I bought will have to wait another year to be superbowl lights. In case any of you aren't familiar with the intricacies of american football, I've written a layman's guide to watching.

1. Pick a team. I like to choose something with blue, or horses. Try to remember which team is yours. For example purposes, I've chosen the ponies.

2. The rules of the game go like this: Get the ball. Run like crazy, or throw, then run like crazy. If you're a wuss, kick it. If you lose the ball (shame on you), hit the other guy. If the other guy throws it, catch it, or hit whoever does catch it.

3. Be sure to shout a lot. Good phrases include:
when the ponies have the ball- "Run! Gogogogogogo!!" "Oh! go around! Throw it! He's wide open! Gogogogogogo!" "oh, no! ack! Gogogogogog!" "yeah!!"
when the ponies don't have the ball- "Get'im! Hit im! RUN! Catchim! Make'im bleed! Bite him! Gogogogogogogo!! Yeah!!"

4. If you get confused, or forget which team you've chosen, just shout "Run! Go! Yeah! Get it! Gogogogogog!" A lot.

See? Football is fun. It also helps to choose the team your friends are _not_ rooting for. It adds drama.